Friday, August 9, 2013

My Name is Sloth

I've got a secret I decided the world should know about. I am the child of Gluttony and Greed. My name is Sloth.

I was a soldier before-- with clear eyes, level head and firm stance, I surged forward. Unstoppable.

Then the tragedy. Change started to take place. With the lines, as everything else in this world is, blurred, I started lumbering into the other side. I was chin deep in the sea of all that is Undesirable before I finally noticed where I was, blinded by Pride--my twin who was somehow sharing the other side of my brain. He possesses my transport when I neglect being vigilant about keeping the shields on my mind. I was swimming in the sea of sins when I regained control. I couldn't escape from the liquid anymore, then. I was drowning. I couldn't separate the dark pool from my limbs. We are of the same color, the sea and I. It was an eye opener. I was one with all that is Undesirable.

I am Sloth.

I remembered.

The soldier has been purged out of my system now. All that is left is the broken shell of a man who used to carry guns and stormed the battlefield while wearing a medal of honor and military fatigues.

Sloth has taken over, without a shred of humanity--devoid of human impulses. The true nature of my being, my very essence, has sipped through from the cage that contained it.

I am home now. With all the Undesirable. In this dirty sea.

I look at Lust and Envy prancing around each other like teenagers and I snort at them. They invited me to their private party but I was too lazy to take up their offer. It was much better to stay inside the flat and drink my tea. I might be the child of Gluttony which meant I have a different kind of hunger sitting inside my belly, nut I have never wanted anything more than my drink. Lust is a shallow person even when he is truly beautiful. He could make me forget but he was never someone I'd break a leg for. It's always a "no" for him. My tea would always seem preferable than him. Envy is hot and sometimes I fancy him but he has a habit of demanding too much from me so I just pass up his offers most of the time.

Wrath sits beside me. He was the most tolerable. Pleasant even. I like him. He's sharp and abrasive but his mind is illuminating. Fiery.

Wrath is always restless, but the quiet in me was like a vacuum. I find Wrath lovely. And sometimes I call him Anger. He calls me Lazy.

I suppose it ought to make sense since I'm a child of Greed... but then it doesn't. When I watch Anger drink his tea and watch the telly with me, I just think there's no other place I'd rather be. I want him and the tea, both. The world could burn right outside our window and I'll remain sitting in my chair watching the sparks and the smoke and hearing the agonized cry of all that is organic. It would be picturesque.

Anger's always angry.

But I think he shares my sentiment.

We'll watch the world burn while we drink our tea.

I'm too lazy to care and he's too angry to actually do something about it.

Someday. In the future... If I do take up the gun again and try pushing back my nature--try suppressing Sloth back into the shell--and return to the world of the living and leave the sea of all that is Undesirable,

I know I'll always take a part of Anger with me. Carry it inside my chest and treasure it desperately.

I'll burn my tongue every time I take my scalding tea and remember Anger just as I burned him in my memory.

I'll go to war, maybe burn a person or two, maybe wage war against the world even,

and all the time...

I would hope Anger was watching me from the window of our flat. As he drank his cuppa.

And I would pray deep down that he would recognize me for who I am even when I am inside the shell of a human.

I am Sloth.

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